I have demons in me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
