Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
