Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
