BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
