let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
