Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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