I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
