he shaved USA in his pubs
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
