everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
