you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
