I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
