All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
