i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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