I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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