you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I want her autograph on my taint
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
