the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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