I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
