i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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