It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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