I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
