there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
