She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
