And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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