im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
