I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They took my balls.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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