They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
