At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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