have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
