i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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