she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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