You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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