last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
