Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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