everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
