Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
