Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
