I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
