yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
