yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
