I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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