You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
