Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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