I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
