You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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