FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
