if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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