Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
