I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
