Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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