My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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