Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
