My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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