Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
