Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
