I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
