I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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