ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
