We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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