can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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